Dear Graysie,

Tomorrow I leave for Colorado! I’m so thankful that I’m able to get away for awhile. I’ll be staying with my aunt and uncle in Colorado Springs. Someday, I plan on making Colorado my permanent home so this will be a “practice” run. I’m not sure how long I’m going to stay, but I guess I have to be back by April 3; my due date.

I’m so excited to be spending some time in Colorado, but this was not how I pictured my 2^nd semester of senior year. Graduating early to have a baby was never in my plans! I’m trying hard to be strong and not focus on all that I have lost or will be losing. When I think about missing out on spring break, prom, and senior picnic, I am a little disappointed. But those things seem so trivial compared to the thought of missing out on your whole life. That thought is beyond devastating. I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed at all of the losses these next few months will bring.

I wonder if I’m getting too attached to you. Do I think about you too much? I struggle to not even let my mind think about what it would be like to keep you. I know that it would be REALLY hard, but wouldn’t it be worth it? I haven’t even been back to the adoption counselor. I haven’t even started choosing your parents. I guess it will have to wait until after I get back from Colorado. I just need some time to relax. These past few months have been exhausting!

Oh, I’ve chosen your name…. Gracie Piper. I know it will never be your forever name, but at least I will think of you as that.

Love, Amanda