Dear Graysie,

4 days ago I was shopping for outfits to wear for senior pictures, now I’m shopping for an OBGYN…. Today I had my first prenatal appointment. My aunt used to be a receptionist for an OBGYN office and highly recommended a woman named Dr. Stites. You normally have to wait weeks, even months to get an appointment with her, but somehow they managed to squeeze me in. I think the fact that I’m already 4+ months pregnant and have had no prenatal care helped.

I was really nervous about going to see a gynecologist. I have never been before; I have never needed to before. I was thankful my mom and Lauren accompanied me on this uncomfortable experience. When I arrived I signed in and sat down in a crowded waiting room. I looked around and discovered I was the youngest patient by far. The nicely furnished room was filled with eager, anxious, happy pregnant women all in their 20’s or 30’s. I was the only one in this room who doesn’t want their baby, who hated the fact that she is pregnant, who wanted to be ANYWHERE but here. After waiting for 20 minutes the nurse called my name. I embarrassingly followed her to an exam room. I knew all the excited moms to be were watching me.

My nurse had a welcoming smile and a warm face. Thank God for small miracles! She had me pee in a way too small cup and then weighed me. I haven’t gained a pound! Maybe I should be concerned, but secretly I’m so relieved! I’m not ready for the world to be able to look at me and instantly know I’m pregnant. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that. The nurse asked when my last normal period was and the date of conception, she entered that information on this little wheel/chart device and announced my due date: April 3, 2002. Three weeks before I turn 18. Not being pregnant anymore will be a magnificent birthday present!

I then met my doctor, Dr. Stites. She also seems really nice and not at all surprised by my age. I spent some time in the stir ups (so not a fun experience) and then she measured and felt my stomach. I was surprised when she said we were going to listen to your heartbeat. I hadn’t planned for this. Am I suppose to smile gleefully and seem thrilled at the sound of my babies heart beat, or do I melt into tears because I’m hearing the heartbeat of a baby that will never be mine? Dr. Stites found your heart beat right away; I looked out the window awkwardly not knowing how to react. She said your heart beat is fast and strong and that everything else looks great. I’m so thankful you’re healthy. Even if you’ll never be mine, I already want the best for you.

Love, Amanda