Dear Graysie,

I’ve been in Colorado a couple of weeks now and I’ve LOVED my time here! My aunt and uncle are so great! I’ve always been close to them which made the transition to temporarily living with them so easy. They make me feel safe, loved, hopeful, and confident! My cousin J (their daughter), and her two children are also staying here! It so much fun to spend time with J and her two adorable kids!

My days are filled with TLC’s “Bringing Home Baby” or “Trading Spaces”, reading Reader’s Digest condensed novels, hanging out with J, playing with her kids, and occasionally sightseeing. My aunt is an AMAZING cook, so I look forward to dinner every night! They’ve also taken me to some really good restaurants! We spend the evening playing dominoes or cards, baking delicious desserts, or just talking. I’ve really enjoyed my time here! I’ve been able to relax and rejuvenate!

I came to Colorado to somewhat escape my pregnancy, my adoption plans, my judgmental peers, basically my life. But somehow my visit has helped me to see that my pregnancy, although unplanned and life shattering, can be turned into a positive. This pregnancy has given me strength and courage I didn’t know I could possess. It has forced me to trust completely in the Lord and allow him to take care of me in a way I didn’t know was possible. I was raised in a Christian home and accepted the Lord as my personal savior at 7, but this experience has tested and reinforced my faith. I truly can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!

I’ve spent time enjoying your kicks and flips in my growing belly, quietly talking to you, quietly crying for you, quietly loving you. Somehow, my time alone with you has made me realize more and more that my choice to place you in an adoptive family is out of absolute love for you. I know I’m making the right choice for you. All of the horrible things that have been said about me, about you, about adoption, hold no bearing over me. I know my family, a few good friends, and the Lord is on my side and I have peace knowing this. I’m not saying that giving you away will not be unbelievably hard and emotionally devastating, but knowing that I’m making the right choice for you is what I hold on to.

Love, Amanda