Dear Graysie

I am happy being a mommy. I have wanted this for so long. In my junior high yearbook we listed what we'd be doing in 10 years and I said I would have a family with a lot of kids. Three is a lot considering most of our friends don't have any yet and some aren't even married.

I am busy at home. I have very high expectations for our house, your brother and sisters, and for myself. I have the mind set that I only have one chance so I am going to do this "perfect". I read, do crafts and spend countless hours playing with the kids.

We also have the business out of our house. Daily we have a houseful of people who are here working. They are upstairs and in and out all day. When the kids nap, I go help with the business. Most people think I am crazy and yet, I secretly know it is good because I actually have adult interaction when most stay at home moms don't. I am part of something "bigger" although my first priority is being a mommy.

When we were pregnant with Mihya we decided she'd be our last baby. Not because we don't enjoy having kids, just that mommy has to be on bed rest for at least 4 months of each pregnancy and I don't think that is fair to the other kids. Mommy is a little sad that we can't keep having babies, because I love having them around and I love that I have bonding time nursing them. I realize it's the best choice though, just because it's hard on everyone when I am pregnant.

Never do I think about adoption for us, Graysie. I mean, we have three kids. We can get pregnant. Adoption was for the people in the world who couldn't conceive right? Or the people who could only have boys so they could get their long awaited little girl. Adoption was for the kids who were in the system and needed a "good" family, it was our duty as competent adults to help right? Adoption wasn't for us, we didn't fit in that criteria. We didn't "need" more children. Never did the thought cross my mind, never did I dream about adopting. Never.

I love you forever,

Mommy