Dear Graysie

I just woke up in a panic! This could be happening……. this could be real! I got so caught up in the excitement of it all, that I didn't even stop to think about all the people around me who are struggling with infertility and desperately want children. How will I tell them? How will they feel? Am I being selfish to want another baby? Should I ask them if they want to meet Amanda? Maybe she'd rather have one of them be your parents anyway. Maybe they'd be better for you since none of them have children yet. Should we even be doing this? Are we crazy?

I've laid awake half the night wondering what is the best way to do this. Should I be calling the people who are closest to us and asking them? Would we be better off just telling them our plans? Maybe we shouldn't even mention it until things are closer to being finalized. I'm literally sick with worry and scared of the reactions we may get.

After much deliberation in my own mind, I decide it will be best to tell each friend about you and Amanda. I decide that daddy and I can tell Amanda's story to them. We will tell the story up until the point where we said we wanted you. We will tell the story to see if maybe any of them ask to meet Amanda on their own. If they don't, we will continue to pursue this adoption. Yes, that's what I think we should do. It's what I'd want a friend to do if I were the one wanting children and they knew of a baby available. It's the "right" thing to do and yet, I feel a sudden pang of sadness just thinking that maybe you won't be my baby after all. What if someone else wants you? What if Amanda decides we're not the "ones"? I've already fallen in love with you. I'd be devastated!

I cannot worry anymore tonight, I need to sleep for a big day tomorrow.

I love you forever!

Mommy