Dear Graysie,

I’m anxiously waiting for my visit with Ambyr and Josh! Once again, I’m excited, nervous, and very eager to meet with them! I think today will be spent just getting to know them and their children better. I’m not totally sure what the day will bring….

I have been thinking more and more about how I want our “open adoption” to be. I guess the first place to start is your birth. I feel that if it’s possible, it’s important that Ambyr be in the room for your birth. She is going to be your mother and she deserves to see her child’s first moments. I’m not sure exactly how all of that will work with them being in Colorado and me delivering you in Kansas? But, I’m sure there is some way to make it work. Also, I definitely want to spend time with you in the hospital but I also want them involved. I think it’s essential that we all have the opportunity to bond with you your first few days of life. Is this how normal open adoptions work? Or am I asking too much? I’m really not sure.

I’m certain our hospital stay will go by really fast. I know my parents and brothers will want to spend time with you. I also know that my grandparents, aunts, and even some cousins plan on visiting you. Even a few close friends of mine plan to stop by so they can hold you! There are lots of people who want to meet you! It’s so sad to think that they have to say “hello” and “goodbye forever” in one brief visit….

I hope that Ambyr and Josh will send me tons of pictures. I hope that I will be able to visit once or twice a year. I hope I can send you gifts and even notes. I hope I can come to your first birthday. I hope I can see you dance in a dance recital or score a goal in a soccer game. I hope so many things. Am I hoping too much? Are there really open adoptions this open?

Love, Amanda