Dear Graysie

It's a new day and my head is still spinning with the whole idea of adoption and infertility and babies and the future. Last night when Amanda left we made plans to meet with her later this afternoon for a special outing. It seems like everything is happening so fast and yet I wouldn't slow it down for anything!

I quickly mention to daddy what has been filling my head. Daddy agrees disappointingly that we've got to at least put Amanda's story out there to our friends. We've got to at least share what we know and from there it is up to them and Amanda, not us.

I pick up the phone and start to dial, although I don't make it through all the digits and hang up. I do this several times before handing this now dauntingly emotional task over to daddy. Daddy calls the few people we know and I can't even stay in the room because I don't want to hear if someone wants to consider it. I do listen intently from the other room because I can't stand not to. Daddy gets a lot of questions but they are not the type of questions I was predicting would come from people who so desperately are awaiting children. They are questions like what color hair does Amanda have? What is her weight like? Has she had any prenatal care? Is she on drugs? Is the baby Caucasian? Does she have any STD's? How long will we have to stay in contact with her? So many seemingly meaningless questions in my opinion.

The questions continue and although a part of me is angry and saddened by our friends unwillingness to accept any baby as their own, I am elated as the phone calls continue in this manner because it means we are just one step closer to making you ours. When daddy finishes these calls, I am overwhelmed.

My cries turn into sobs at the idea that if this works out for us, we may be fighting an uphill battle. What will it take to get our friends to understand how perfect you are? I feel judged and helpless. Some of them have condemned the thought of you and they only know your race. Some of them have talked down the idea of us wanting you by telling us it wouldn't be fair if you didn't look like the rest of us. Other's have made it clear that they would disagree with the open adoption option. some disregard adoption altogether, calling it inhumane. Even with all this negativity being poured into our lives, I'm fearfully convinced we are meant to be your parents and I know by looking into your daddy's eyes, he is convinced too!

I love you forever!

Mommy