Dear Graysie:

This waiting game is slowly going to kill me! Obviously, I am not “bored”, how could I be with your brother and sisters here as my responsibility? It’s a different kind of wait than I’ve ever had before. This wait isn’t like when I was pregnant, no, it’s much different. This is a nervous kind of wait. When I was pregnant I knew that when I was done waiting I’d (God willing) have a beautiful baby to bring home from the hospital. With this waiting game their really isn’t a garauntee for us, and yet, we have already poured our hearts into loving you. Again, I am all to aware that Amanda can and has every right to change her mind.

I’m anticipating a really great evening that will keep my mind off of waiting for you for just a few hours. Tonight Grandy and Grampy are coming over to paint your bedroom and get everything prepared for you. Your big sister, Emma, is thrilled because we told her she gets to help paint too. I am painting a color I have NEVER EVER even considered to paint on the walls of our house. I am trying to be thoughtful and considerate of Amanda and the role she will play in your life. I know she will love that I have chosen violet and lime green for your wall colors. Unlike with your brother and sister though, I am very insecure about how this is going to turn out. I don’t want to let Amanda down, I feel like it is a great honor that she is trusting me with this. Although I need to not worry about this so much because I do realize that she is trusting me with much much more.......YOU! As much as she is wrapped up in how your room looks and what clothes you’ll be wearing I also know that she is struggling with much more important things and that calms me for the time.

It’s going to be a fun night, but I will have Amanda on my mind for sure!

I love you forever!

Mommy